Letter to my brother back in LA

Hey Pancho-
Thanks a shitload for the camera and Bad Behavior Allowance. I swear if I find a decent looking prostitute I'll give her every penny to go down under on my down-under. The one thing you might take away from that statement is that there are NO girls in this little New Zealand fishing town. Big fish though. I was down at the hatchery a couple days ago and saw a few rainbow trout well over 2 feet long. You'd be shitting yourself. This is the trout fishing capitol of New Zealand, and Turangi, the village we're staying in is about an hour's drive from Lake Taupo, the biggest lake in the country. Way bigger than Tahoe. It's like going to one of the Great Lakes. Only there aren't creepy Asian kids fishing for carp off the dam.
On a grimmer note...no biscuits and gravy. No country gravy at all, for that matter. I inquired at the local breakfast diner and the guy looked at me like I had just asked him to give me a blumpkin. They serve everything in pie crust. Ham and eggs, broccoli and cheese, mince meat (fucking gross) and whatever...this joint is pot pie central.
I can already tell you and I would have a blast down here man. Daisy is a real sweetheart for doing all this, but a trip around the world at 22 sort of loses something when you're traveling with a middle-aged, menopausal lesbian. Doesn't much help in the "game-spitting" department. So what I'm saying is: Sometime within the next year or so, you, me, Southern Island of New Zealand. Many ladies...no fat chicks. Seriously, I didn't see a single one in Wellington (big SF-style city on the southern end of the North Island). Except the natives. They're basically not-so-jolly Samoans with facial tattoos and a disobliging partiality to huffing lighter fluid. But the local white chicks? Mouth-watering.
Anyway, probably rambled a tad there but it's been a busy time here. I'm about to head out towards the west coast to go rafting through a bunch of caves. They're sticking me in with a group of college kids, so keep your fingers crossed that there might be a porkable piece of pagina in their midst. Because I had a dream last night about fucking Tamera...and I enjoyed it. God help me.
There's more to tell when I see you next. Take care and keep in touch. Hope you enjoyed the trip home, even if it was to see Grayson sign his life away to a colossal cunt-rag.
-Sam
PS Their antismoking campaign is a little heavier down here.